Just as the summer foliage began to show in all it’s glory, a group of guests descended upon the pond. In a house on a hill, embanked along the waters edge, lived four roommates. That summer was their first together, and they enjoyed the surrounding land encompassed by trees. The sound of the nearby waterfall and the birds singing their songs set a peaceful tone in this special place. One day, the landlord’s daughter came home to visit, having lived in South America for six years. With her, she brought her troupe, a group of Colombians who were both her Ultimate Frisbee team and friends. Their presence was palpable. Music and gatherings, fires and food. From a quiet little home to one teaming with life, things had changed.
This summer, living within the regularity of day to day life, I was fully immersed in my own little world. Then suddenly, a new experience presented itself. It was a noticeable change in which we were all challenged to explore what happens when two worlds collide. The purpose of this post is to talk about cultural difference and the experience one has when two sets of expectations and cultures come into play with one another. Anthropology is a tool for making sense of difference. It asks of us all, how can we take the unfamiliar and use it as a tool to better understand ourselves?
I sat there watching others partake and felt left out. I was confused at my tendency to be shy, when normally I relish the idea of going outside of my comfort zone to enjoy the fun past times of other cultures. I was bemused by my own inhibition to participate, and the subsequent feeling of being an outsider.
At first, their presence felt like an inconvenience. The first few days went by and I observed myself experience stress at the chaos of having many guests mulling around the property at once. But more so, it was the difference in habits that I noticed. At night, the house was alive with the sound of voices and music carrying itself down the stairs and into our living area. When morning arrived, it began all over again. Having to wake up early each day to go to work, I was rubbed the wrong way by what I interpreted to be a lack of respect for another person’s space and schedule.
One night, there was a get together on the lawn. We ordered pizza and lit a fire. A normal occurrence at Puffers Pond now felt completely new. Salsa music was playing, people were dancing and the night was filled with a lively energy. The quiet babble of Spanish filled the air. I sat back and observed their relationship to intimacy. I watched as they felt comfortable moving their bodies, and wanted to do so. Each song had a specific rhythm related to the history of Salsa music in Latin American culture. Our guests talked about this music and it’s importance in their culture.
As the evening progressed, I was asked to dance. I turned down not two but three offers. They persisted when I refused. I could tell that to ask a woman to dance was a very normal thing, and to say no was not expected. I wondered if they understood why someone would opt out of such a lovely exchange as dancing. I sat there watching others partake and felt left out. I was confused at my tendency to be shy when internally I relish the idea of going outside of my comfort zone to enjoy the fun past times of other cultures. I was bemused by my own inhibition to participate, and the subsequent feeling of being an outsider. This moment got me thinking. Why is it hard for me to go with the flow when all that these people are doing is enjoying life moment to moment?
I took some time to reflect on the culture I was raised in. I thought about the sexual repression that is often present in western cultures. I thought of my childhood being raised in a strict religious setting where a relationship to one’s body or to others was tailored and restricted. I began to feel frustrated with myself as I observed these internal barriers.
Over the course of the next week, I realized where I was coming from; my own norms, rituals and behavior were being challenged within my own cultural environment. In all of my experiences traveling, I have never felt so overwhelmed by an interaction with such difference in lifestyle. Observing and participating in other cultures, I have always been open to these experiences. However, in my own home, in my own country, town and world, the clash of human difference was starkly evident. What felt more surprising was that I was unable to participate despite my inner wish to do so. I was not raised like them and so felt as though I could never dance like they do or enjoy the moment like they were. I felt restricted within the confines of my own upbringing and culture.
There were other surprising attributes of our guests that I observed. so out of place in the United States. Characteristics like being extremely polite, taking initiative, always offering to help out, and making a point to greet me every time they interacted with me, all seemed surprisingly out of place in the United States. These character qualities are not a given within North American culture. But on their part, it seemed quite natural and common to engage in these actions.
Later in the week, things came to a head. Some events unfolded in which they crossed a line that was unknown to them and my roommate expressed his frustration to the landlord. Previously sanctioned to one area of the house, they came down and used our kitchen without asking our permission. Lack of communication about what was expected led to people stepping on each other’s toes.
A few days later I had a great talk with one of the Colombians. We talked about break down in communication and expectations. I apologized for any tension or lack of welcome they may have felt during their time here. I explained the importance of boundaries in our culture and he described the lack there of in his. It was such an eye opening experience to see how human we both were. Our behavior was being informed by the world we are a part of and how we were used to interacting with people.
Often unaware of who we are and what norms we are accustomed to, when something different comes along, we are challenged and can more clearly see how our environment has shaped us.
Our norms, our expectations, and our habits all vary from culture to culture. What makes sense to me may not matter to another person who comes from a different cultural group. My perspective on how to spend an evening is completely different than someone else’s. What we expect from others around us is intrinsic to us and our world. Through this impromptu visit, I got a look into how Colombians enjoy life. I realized the benefits of engaging in a culture of music, interaction and intimacy. However, regardless of how lovely and charming people can be, one’s own internal barriers are real and present. Often unaware of who we are and what norms we are accustomed to, when something different comes along, we are challenged and can more clearly see how our environment has shaped us. Although I wanted to join in, I wanted to talk and dance and be flexible, I could not move beyond the influences of my culture to be a different person.
I learned a lot about myself through this experience. But most importantly, I realized that these people were traveling and happened upon my world. I was the one who was different. They stumbled upon a place in which the people they encountered were different than them. It was not their difference that was noticeable, it was mine. I was the girl who said no to dancing. I was the one with the boundaries. When two worlds collide, you may find that your way of living is the one that seems alien. It is not them, but you who are the foreign character in the story.
