A few months ago, I had the privilege of attending an annual conference called “A View from All Sides” hosted by the Children’s Trust, a family support organization in Massachusetts. The keynote speaker, Dr. Bruce D. Perry, spoke about the effects of empathy on the developing brain. He made some very important and fascinating points about the role of connection and relationships on our well-being. Through his research, he has studied the make up of the human brain as well as our societies approach to relationships and the importance we place on interacting with each other. As he described our biological makeup, he made it clear that we are not doing our job as a culture to create the relationships and bonds necessary to fit the needs of our brains. He discussed the link between this and the amount of dis-regulation, and emotional and behavioral issues that we see in children and adults. If our society is not providing us with an avenue to fulfill our biological needs, we will begin to see problems arise.
Through his research, Dr. Perry made it clear that, with time, we are evolving away from the benefits of using connectivity to our advantage and we are becoming impoverished relationally and emotionally.
Relational connectivity is a huge part of who and what we are as creatures. Our biological makeup is such that we have an advantage as a species to build relationships and communities. We are not physically or neuro-biologically designed to be alone. As such we are interdependent creatures who thrive as a group rather than as individuals. Some examples of this can be seen in our brains make-up. We have the ability to read and translate the emotions of others. We are also wired to respond to stress, to perceive it and regulate it. These are both examples of our brain being wired for connection.
Even though studies prove this information to be true, our modern culture teaches individuality. We interact with screens rather than each other. We are taught values that reinforce individual success. The relational environment is shifting and we are less connected to our community as a result. Through his research, Dr. Perry made it clear that, with time, we are evolving away from the benefits of using connectivity to our advantage and we are becoming impoverished relationally and emotionally.
A study known as the Adverse Childhood Experience study (ACE’s) is a large scale research study that looks at the connection between childhood experiences and health across the lifespan. The study shows that there is a correlation between adverse childhood experiences and likelihood to engage in risky behaviors, leading to worse health outcomes. Dr. Perry took an unusual approach to this study by examining how, when looking at these correlations, the better predictor of risk for a child that was experiencing neglect and abuse was the absence or presence of supportive relationships and connections in his or her life. The children with steady and long term, positive relationships were more resilient and able to heal from their childhood trauma. However, the children with less relational continuity were more likely to be negatively impacted by their traumatic experiences. This is in part because relational reward regulates our stress response which is helpful in not looking for other rewards to cope with stress, particularly unhealthy coping mechanisms.
…the better predictor of risk for a child that was experiencing neglect and abuse was the absence or presence of supportive relationships and connections in his or her life.
The children with steady and long term, positive relationships were more resilient and able to heal from their childhood trauma.
Dr. Perry’s presentation was about people. People are what change people. We are the change agents by being there and interacting with one another. Relationships are essential in every aspect of health from emotional, to social, physical, and cognitive health. We are inventing the future. Every choice we make is a choice to shift or shape our culture. We must be respectful of the way we are put together biologically in making these choices. We are built relationally and we will have better results if we adhere to this. But when talking about relationships, it is not just any relationship that will have a positive influence on us, e.g. a disregulating relationship. The relationships we build must be intentionally supportive, enduring, and consistent. That is what makes the difference in an individual’s well being and thus the well being of a society as a whole.
It’s not too late. The more a neural system is activated, the more that system changes to reflect that pattern of activation. We are dynamic, ever changing. Our neurological patterns of response change with practice, as does our societal make-up. We have to try to reweave the fabric of society by building community. It is important that we build a community that supports the ideals that are most beneficial to us as humans. We must build schools that care about kids, and businesses that care about employees. Just as with well being, one of the most essential pieces to community development is that we need collaboration and relationships to improve outcomes. Using Dr. Perry’s explanation of relationships, we can work together to fill the gaps in our society, using connection to support and create a society focused on relationship building.
Sources:
Presentation by Dr. Bruce D. Perry
“The Role of healthy relational interactions in buffering the impact of childhood trauma in working with children to heal interpersonal trauma.” by Dr. Bruce D. Perry
